Letter to my babies

While cleaning my desk last week I discovered a notebook that was tucked in one of the cubbies.  Inside it I found a letter I wrote to the babies in the early morning hours of September 17, 2009 when I woke up having contractions and knew between that and Aubrey's blood flow we would be looking at delivery day.  The main purpose of this blog is to document the moments of our crazy life so that many years from now my babies can look back and read the hard covered copies I have published, for this reason I am typing out the letter.

To my precious little babies,

When Daddy and I first got married on Decmber 31, 1999 we knew we wanted to start a family right away.  We talked of our dreams of parenthood and couldn't wait until the day we were blessed with a baby in our arms.  Months went by with no sign of a child blessing our lives.  Those months quickly progressed into years and we finally decided if we wanted our dreams to come true we would have to get some help in making that happen.

After many more years and several unsuccessful ferility treatments we found Dr. Mahutte at Montreal Fertility Center.  We spent the next year and a half working with this amazing man and imagine our excitement on March 1, 2009 when I took not one but FIVE pregnancy tests and knew I was pregnant.  I had a pretty good hunch that it was more than one baby!

On March 21, 2009 we went to see Dr. Mahutte to verify how many babies we were having and as we were looking at the screen in disbelief  he informed us that there were four sacs.  After examining each sac we found that there were in fact four beating hearts!  Daddy was freaking out a bit, wiping the sweat from his forehead, as I was crying because she was so happy and scared at the same time.

Dr. Mahutte warned us that this pregnancy was very high risk and there was a good chance that all four of you might not make it through the first trimester.  The weeks marched on and every week all four of you were growing stronger and bigger.  At the end of the first trimester we were offered the opportunity to reduce the number of babies that were growing in my belly.  All four of you seemed healthy and were thriving so Mommy and Daddy could not imagine choosing to end any of your lives.  You were all our babies and loved you more than anything in the world.  It is amazing how much you can love someone you have never even met.

We braced ourselves for a very bumpy ride as doctors had warned us that I was going to have to take it very easy and most likely would end up on bedrest by 20 weeks.  As you get to know me you will learn resting and taking it easy is not something I like to do but I was going to do whatever it took to make sure you all made it here safe and healthy. 

At 13 weeks Daddy got very sick and finally ended up going to the doctors.  After a lot of tests we were told he had Stage IV Hodgkins Lymphoma.  This was scary for all of us but he knew he had to get better so he could be here for you guys.  He began chemotherapy that made him very sick but the thought of not being here for you guys helped him get through it.

At 15 weeks Grammie brought me to my appointment and the ultrasound tech was able to see what gender you guys were.  I told her not to tell me but to write it down on some paper and seal the envelope so that Daddy and I would find out together what you were.  After stopped traffic on the interstate and a few unplanned pit stops we finally made it home 6 hours later and found out we were expecting three boys and one girl.  We were thrilled!

Twenty weeks came and went with no signs of bedrest!  All of you guys were doing great and had passed your fetal surveys with flying colors.  Everyone was given their name and we started to prepare for you to enter this world. With the help of family and friends your nursery got done and everything was just perfect!  We were patiently waiting for you all to fill those four empty cribs but we wanted you to grow much more before entering this world. 

At 24 weeks I passed my gestational diabetes testing, a very big thing for someone expecting four babies!  Just another sign that proved just how healthy you all would be.  Your Grammies and Aunties threw us the biggest, best baby shower I had ever been to and we were so blessed to have recieved all we needed to start our life as a large family.  The amount of diapers that were there was incredible! 

At 26 weeks I was supposed to get a shot to finish developing your lungs but they chose to postpone this as it is most beneficial to recieve them within 7 days of delivery.  That meant Dr Acker was confident that delivery day was no where near!

At 27 weeks I began to really feel the strain of this pregnancy.  I had so many feeling...I wanted you guys here to hold in my arms, kiss and cuddle but at the same time I wanted you to stay in another 5 weeks when it was proven that 32 weeks was a major milestone and your chances of a healthy childhood were so much better.  My "easy" pregnancy had started to become hard on me but with every ache and pain I was reminded of this amazing gift I was given and how with every passing day I grew to love the four of you more than I ever imagined possible. 

Daddy and I decided that our trip to Boston at 29 weeks would be or last.  We took Uncle Dave and Aunt Susan up on thier offer to come stay for awhile.  My appointment went well and your ultrasound was great.  They did a biophysical profile on each of you and all four of you scored 8/8...how perfect are you guys????  The doctor estimated your weights at:
Baby A    3lbs  4oz
Baby B    3lbs  1 oz
Baby C    2 lbs 8oz
Baby D    2 lbs 12 oz

One week at Uncle Dave and Aunt Susan's was nice.  Lots of time in the pool for me and the hot tub for Daddy.  I was able to relax and see everyone at a family cookout.  I was prepared for another couple weeks there when I went in for my next appointment just shy of 30 weeks and it wasn't at all what I expected.  You guys were great but my blood pressure was through the roof and there was protein in my urine which immediately got us a stay at the "Brigham Hilton" .  I was so scared that you guys were coming and Daddy was home recieving his chemo treatment.  They gave me the first steriod shot to finish delevoping your lungs so you would have an easier time breathing and told me we would just be monitored for now.

The next week I thought for sure you guys were coming.  I was so uncomfortable and having a lot of contractions.  Soon enough they stopped and I started feeling a little better.  We talked about delivering you guys before Daddy had to go home for another treatment but they wanted me to hold off until at least when he got back on the 17th.  Time would tell!

During the 31st week of my pregnancy we discovered Aubrey's blood flow through her umbilical cord was diminished and we began having daily ultrasounds to keep a close eye on everyone.  Everyone continued to do so good and I was so proud of what little troopers I had growing inside me!

Yesterday, September 16, 2009, Aubrey's blood flow went absent and I began to panic and demanded delivery.  The doctors all promised that if her flow was absent in the morning that we would deliver.  Nervously I am awaiting the morning to come and begin our new life as parents.  I never thought this day would come, much less with four of you! 

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I am living,
My babies you will be!

I love you guys and can't wait to meet you!

Love, Mommy